The story I am about to share is not one that is unique but it is a situation that many have been through or have witnessed...
It all started when Bean saw me put some Valentine's Day candy into the cart. She immediately started to cry and ask/beg for the candy. There was
no way she was going to get some...the begging got louder and louder. I am sure that I could have put the candy back back but it wasn't even an option. The screaming continued, I started taking deep breaths and hoping it would all be over soon. Recently I have been reading the book
1-2-3 Magic. In it the author shared about a time he witnessed a mom in a similar situation to mine. He watched this mom struggle through the store while her son threw his tantrum. He was so proud of this mom for not giving into her child...until at the last minute just as she left the store she gave in! I didn't want to be that mom....but I really wanted Bean to stop screaming.
Finally Bean seemed to tire of her tantrum... I was thinking "point for the mama!" Ha - spoke too soon. Sigh. Our grocery store has a button the kids love to push that makes a loud mooing noise. Both of my kids asked to push the button and I couldn't seen any reason why I not, you have to remember Bean had calmed down and was behaving like a lovely lady...she pushed it twice and then when mommy said no more she didn't fall apart - she exploded!
It was then that I had to make a choice...do I continue and finish the shopping? Do I walk away from the grocery cart? Do I give in to Bean and just give her something to make the endless noise stop? Well, we all know that the last option really wasn't going to happen. I chose to stick it out. I took a deep breath and continued on. I made sure Bean was safe but I let her cry. I told her I was sorry but the answer was no. I encouraged Bug to plug his ears so he didn't have to listen to his darling, "very loud" sister. (his words not mine)
I know other mom's have been in this same situation...and as the mom you want to apologize to each person you see and yell at those that seem really bugged, after all it isn't their kid screaming across the store. It was about the time that I was starting to question my decision when I noticed a couple of older ladies near the meat department. I looked up and smiled that apologetic smile only a mom truly understands. You know what? They gave me thumbs up! "Good girl." and "You're doing good!" I wanted to cry right then and there. It was fabulous to feel like I wasn't a complete failure and they understood I was doing my very best. From there it just got better. No, Bean didn't tire of her screaming but I continued to receive encouragement. Our cashier, who isn't a mom, told me she was impressed with my patience while the gentleman bagging our groceries said, "Don't worry, we have all been there."
Such simple words from kind-hearted, understanding souls but they meant the world to me. If I had been questioning how I handled the situation they reaffirmed that even though being a mom might not be roses and daisies all of the time but my efforts were noticed. I was not a complete failure :)
As an observer to the situation I understand that Bean was simply being loud, very loud and a bit of a bother. I am pretty sure that those who chose that exact moment to be at the grocery store might have regretted their decision. To the everyday observer a friendly FYI- if the mom seems to be ignoring her child - we probably are, however we are VERY and may I repeat VERY aware to the commotion our child is causing. Take a moment to choose the type of observer you are going to be - be mean and judge or offer a few simple words that may make a life-time difference.
Here is to another adventure as a mom...
The next time you are in the grocery store and you are the one with the screaming child just smile and remember you have another mom who understands. Hold your head up high and smile - you are doing an important work...YOU ARE A MOM!
Good luck!
Love - The OOM
